Fade in, Fade out, Fade in, Fade out. Patterns. I can't seem to place why I associate this blogs topic with such a systematic pattern, but I do. I am hardly able to help myself when I go through the mental list of well, my list of daily duals, and inner battles. Down right surprised would be a good guess on most reactions I give myself or what occurs after. Strange how one so deeply engrossed with his own personal issues that I can be so crystal clear in thought about others. Pegging them out one by one of the type who have gotten a stamp on my memory bank that will not let me, forget or fade them out; they are there, for life. I even would assume once I wear my body out they'll be there lurking still, but in a good lurking sort of way.
The duality of my situation had it been more diluted vodka could be made from it, and not that high class shit, but that low quality you associate with plastic bottles and cheap hotel rooms. Wishing this topic to be of something else wouldn't do it justice, no no...It has to be this. Friends.
I can not count on my hands the many of time they have all come to my side and gave me that solid foundation I needed, and how many times I repaid, and repaid them. I love all of them so much I doubt in my tiny little heart that any of them would ever be loved less. Profoundly each has touched me in many ways that each, memory is so unique if not foggy about it. What I wish for is the clarity I seek. Are all of us meant to just drift or are we perpetually set in a self resuscitating cycle of hopes. Truthfully I know all of us may not wish to consider it, but how often can we say that we are all so close with our friends that, well nothing is hidden? Hmm? Exactly. A drift always comes it's this way, either by dusty sand dunes or beautifully glistened snow hills, its there.
To steal some thoughts from a co-worker... later on we are all perfectly faulted in our own ways and because of such faults we seek what we need to keep ourselves glued so to speak. Because I love all the people in my life I can assure myself that each day I walk out my door that what ever adventure happens upon me, that in the end I still have my network of love. But this is where my co-workers thought comes into play. Us as humans do we seek the company of others just to fill that certain void which we feel as loneliness and use that for our own personal gains or are we truly as a species in need of all of this.
Answers can only be dawned by more answers, and frankly to discuss that more only brings up more paths that we all can follow or find for ourselves and dig deeper and discover it..but really that isn't why your still reading. Your reading because you saw that drifting comment which we all have linger in our heads at times. True friends are the ones who regardless of all the cheesy sayings won't leave you when you need them..but drift when your not paying attention. Part of my own undoing and thoughts about it, I'm just as guilty as the next for it. Focusing on the day to day and possible occupations to take time and remember those people who have seen you at your worst, your best and all those in-between. The ones who've encouraged your stupidity and dutifully corrected your morals. Regardless of our species and how we seek to fill our lives I think the most simplest of notions is still ignored.
We all need a reboot to realize it and fuck it may be a while, but start it now. Because even for those who have filled that gap with a second person to their being, what about those who well had you covered before? Drifting...
Fade in, Fade out, Fade in, Fade out....
