Bi-Polar Expressive

Up down, around the bend, around this and above that explanations used and given at random with no thought or process. Hiding beneath all the lies they can't stand what they say nor do, actions speaking louder then their words.

Deep bleeding wounds with bile for blood pouring forth, they can't help it but its true who they where or have been is gone. Keeping inwardly bound by their own pain and brutality of passion they walk through crowds melding into the back ground instead of standing out.

Barely able too control and contort to whim their fancies each would they gather as the inner being turns into a shriveled pile. How can they beat this illness? Screaming outwardly at the world while resonating his own pain in his skull he battles through it day to day.

Cooled by his own torments his passion, zest leave him readily day by day. Realizing his own demise his tar stained tears streak his face at night; all poison keeping him at bay from his own truth. Give up. Let it control and use like a dulled weapon. Let the passion escape. Let your life fade away. Maybe it'd be best, but how is one to know when they can't seem to let go?

Vocalization is powerless again such a burden. The only help found is the weak ones laced in between strong words, pass by our lips as a placebo in hopes it confuses us.

Stained Heart strings

Paced heart, quickened breath, pulse slow, hair messed, make up smeared...stained heart strings. Lips soft, grip tight, body's pressed, eyes alight, can this be real? Passions shared, moments captured, can this veil finally be lifted? Cooled touch turned warm, pure heart bleeding stained, will these strings be held careful or will they be broken. Secrets told and pasts revealed, fears shared and dreams meshed; could this be? Will my stained heart strings finally be free? Or will they remain hidden beneath the veil that keeps them pure and corrupt?

Laced hands while passion runs wild can his frozen insides be thawed? Is his will strong too be molded with out to much given...Stained hope and dreams holding hard to what is known can his hopes be let go?

Controversial Sight

For I see is what I fear. What I taste is my downfall. My language is my fault, and my heart is my skin. Outwardly cold, while introvert ably warm; can this be? Swimming in a see of darkness with arms flailing, am I set to succeed or to spectacularly fail.

Desires burning bright, kindling burnt with spirit still lost. Can ones fire still burn brightest above all with out proper fuel? Reaching with toes and finger tips can we hope that we reach it? Or do we regretfully inform our inner child it is lost for good.

Fishing at sea with compass and equipment at ready our boat floating, but no fish too catch? Are we heading to a place we destined to be our devastation? Now stuck with compass and not but a sea of doubt will I be able to navigate my way home? Or shall I sink for ever into the depths of my own creation?

Controversial sight. Seeing but not believing. Blind but all seeing. Can we truly believe that we see all that is out there for us, or are we just as blind as new child, denied sight. Where all holding tight as we are forced to travel in a world surrounded by controversial sight.

Puzzle pieces missing frustrations running high, will it finally fall into place before that doomed day? Fighting the ever lingering thought he clamps his eyes shut while he places that dark place deep in his inner cave, wishing a safe journey. Do we all use our own darkness as our crutch for survival or do some of the select toss that brace away and step bravely forward?

Paced heart and breath he finally deflates in his own blindness. A whisper lingers lost in his deaf ears as he realizes whats been all along. 'Just see' is all he gets now for its been too long that hes truly saw. Now eyes crusted over with past mistakes he screams while clawing at the suffocating brutality of his own demise.

Be it not, for its to strong to over come. Could silence be the best cure? Or does one blindness for ever rule over his heart?

Controversial Sight.

Bleeding heart strings.

For once I am at a loss of words, I can't come up with one simple form of a sentence that would best describe how I am truly feeling at this point. All I can say is after this I am not sure if I'll ever be able to remain the same me, or change so much that its hard to recognize myself. Some how sadness how this strange way of working its magic and turning everything into a big stinking pile of crap...for once I'd like something sad to happen that allows for a positive outcome to shine through.

Fuck!

Jesus fucking christ. I have been doing well with feeling shitty, depressed and a little with the self esteem. But god dammit if this just brings in a whole fuck load of crazy messed up crap. Like how is one person supposed to deal with something like this, who is working around the clock, barely making ends meat as it is.
Its not like its an easy task to wake up one day and find a room mate or anything like that, it takes a lot of work. Including all other options I only have one full proof one that would definitely save me a lot of problems. But would I really want to cause all this stress for my family?

cranky fox out

Torrents of angry spurting mess!

God, I have had it up to my head and more with this fucking bull shit. Like jesus tits I am not this good person some people think I am or this wonderful person to have as a mate, yet some furies seem too think this way.. And I am sure I am being cocky when it comes to this but holy mother of pearl it has to be the most frustrating battle on the face of the planet. Most human beings outside of the fandom or normal or crazy, depending what gene pool they came from or what happened to them during their maturing stage....but what ever I can deal with that; I can also deal with most people are insecure and hate themselves just a bit, or not at all, hell well all do it, and I still hate myself to this day. But myself included with a select number of people out there started to realize it wasn't a bully, or a magazine that influenced are pattern of thinking, they all helped because of the influence they hold on peoples opinions, but our inner person is the cause. Its really backwards to think about it this way but it makes sense, most bully's get over teasing you after some time, same as certain perceptions give way too letting you live your life. But its the inner person in all of us that hold onto these words these perceptions and drag it on like this fad is going out of style, consuming most in a life with depression. And sure I am generalizing here and I understand that. As a perfect example the Internet is not a proven truthful way to know anyone, you can only glean so much from typed words to let you form a image of a person and who they are. So how are people able to trust a typed of profile of someone and let them have their heart so too speak in a game of trust. First of all its really nice that some people can do it and get the one of their dreams, but for the ones out there that blindly throw their heart out to any one's whim they get hurt all the time. Its part of the parcel; meet someone on the Internet expect what they tell you to be a lie, assuming what ever you imagine is a false image that will be ruined when you meet. Then when people finally get hurt its like this big freaking shock...Like dur its time too wake up folks, if you don't want to be hurt don't let anyone know more about you then what is comfortable. And please don't take this as clam up and never meet anyone ever again, just be smart about it, let them know only what you want them too know, and go from there. So if it has to come down to a breaking of ways you only leave a little scared and not marred for life like some people get from these things.
Of course I myself have done it not to long ago and I still don't understand the whole trusting perspective on it all, trusting someone so fully even though you haven't touched, held, smelt, kissed, seen them in real life is a big step, and one that shouldn't be so easy for some people too stumble on. To top it all off is the simple fact its hard to meet people and some times looking farther then you though you may could be the answer; even going ahead and doing a relationship is fine but from a experience I wont forget it takes to halves to make a whole...if your other half for the time is lacking, give them a swift kick or lose them. It can't be worth all the self doubt or the bleh feeling you get from something like that to even see if it may work out. Sometimes the worst thing about it all is the guilt trip after dumping someone, oh god do some people lay it on thick. Whether its 'Oh I am just a horrible person' or ' I am better off dead for some' I just wish this people would grow a left nut and move forward. Do you really think if you've been dumper for what ever reason it was that dwelling on it makes it seem better or repairs the damage? NO, NO, NO bad puppies! go sit in your corner and think about that.
Too dwell on a past pain is only to reassure you will be depressed and won't get better, in fact it really kills you slowly. Sitting around, hiding, not talking too people who have been through the same similar pain or the exact same pain are out there and or being braver then some. Oh it was hard for them, and probably still is but lets think about it, what's the point in dredging something up from the past that is better left in the past. I am not a saint when it comes to this, nor am I this wealth of knowledge because I have done it all, I am just some 21 man that heard enough of it from his short life span to make him gag. People in junior high, and high school have more balls then some people who are in their 30's. I think its time well sat back realized what we are doing to ourselves and fixed it. Whether your in a long distance relationship now, or not dating sit back and think....if you keep making the situation seeming worse then it really is, do you think coping with it will be easier? Will dragging on the fact about being alone, being to far away, or being to near make the situation just POP! better?
Think. Listen. Read. Do.
fox out.

GARRRRRR

I HATE VALENTINES DAY
ZEE END
GARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Missing

Waking each morning with a groan and a shuffle for life he lets a tired sigh, yet again he grips the reality that is his life, where will it change? Shuffling, forcing a smile he works day in and day out not really seeking any satisfaction, just knowledge that he will survive the next month too make it to the next, but is that truly enough? Or has he just dulled his spirit to make up a false happiness keeping him happy for a while? Each day with no new adventure or experiences too come his way he listens to people around him feel the same way, but seemingly are able to look through that regular life and see a new exciting one on the other side. What is it that they posses that he does not? Does he not have that same drive for something new? That step out that door which may lead him too something extraordinary day? But he can't picture or bring himself to anything that would shed light onto this dull state of being...Will it, could it end?