What I left.

Speeding away by night, music playing loud he prepares for what will cripple him. Bobbing heads too the beat, dull conversations hard to hear; but the tension between them speaks loud and clear, as they fear what is coming. Sitting hunched and defeated he wrestles with the flood of emotions, repeating a mantra as he works ' I'll stay strong, and happy.'
Looking around slowly he stutters in thought seeing the final destination. Flicking that false smile and stoic resemblance too a statue he steps into the cold; emotions trapped heart weeping. for what he's doing. Treating himself as a infectious disease he begins the lie filled evening.
Quietly sitting back ignoring the emotion filled room he smile at each loved one, in turn, boldly lying to their faces...while on the inside he screams to be free. Tears beginning to fall easily for all around him he distances himself, for the fear of letting any one see a single tear staining his face.
Pair, by pair they all hide away sharing the pain; making themselves feel better; and in the process not forgetting this night. Sitting resolute like a cold statue he bites it all back, pushing that dying heart too a less important place. A realm to let it slip away leaving him a happy shell.
Watching the night end he speaks his final good byes as he slips into the warm vehicle, racing him away too a cold and lonely place. Letting the silence grip them as they head home his flood wins; slowly as time worn tears begin to stain his cheeks in silence. Paying the toll they walk forward, silent forcing his tired legs to carry him up and away, sighing; that all powerful home calls for its tasty meal.
Stepping in he heaves his coat off and sits down, staring blankly at that dull screen. Silence taking over for what seems like hours; it happens. Like a burst of energy he begins to cry long held tears, its over the pain remains but the lie is finally over.

This is dedicated to all the lovely people that affected me for the better. You all touched my heart one way or another; each experience unique too the next, all meaning volumes of emotion. I love all of you, you showed me what it is like to feel. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Dedicated to: Sepia, Fanta,Josh,Reid,Lindsay,Kimmy,Ann,Kyle, and of course Karly.